Sirius Fancies Mary Jane
by ECKon04
Summary: The Maurauders get high! Discussion of broomsticks and condensation ensues, and shenanigans take place. Oneshot. R&R!


**Disclaimer: Ha! no, but the story is mine, I don't think JKR would write something like this.**

**So I like this idea. Reminds me of my brothers. Don't judge!**

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"If I could only borrow it for a bit, James, I'll be back before two shakes is over."

"Rubbish!" he replied dramatically, making a wide whooping grab for his broomstick, and then dropping his head backwards in exasperation, to which Sirius wailed in disappointment.

"You wouldn't be able to get through Zinnia's window anyway, Sirius," Remus explained, pinching the end of a small joint, and brushing crumbs off of the arm of the chair absent-mindedly. His eyes were lidded halfway. "The ministry had Dumbledore put charms on all of the outside entry ways. Which _is _bullocks if you ask me, because the enchantments around the castle are nearly immeasurable. Not a bleeding soul can get through those walls. And I'm certain that, after he put the charm up so that we can't go in the girl's dormitories, he paid mind to broomsticks and windows. Not to mentio-"

"Remus! I can't handle you right now. _Blimey!_" cried James passionately throwing his head in his hands.

"Well I was speaking in your favor..." he trailed off mumbling and lifting hands to his mouth to light up again. Sirius sat looking out into the rain pouting, but then leaped up, ran behind Remus and started drumming his fingers on the top of his head. James fell to the floor with despair, head face down, and began to talking in slow whiny muffled moans. To this Sirius laughed wildly, and Remus shrugged with uninterest.

"Oi!" Peter had walked in with his bag heaping full of victuals, a large portion of it already in his mouth. "You a'right down fere, ma'e?" he inquired inaudibly. The answer was nothing more than a grunted word.

"Don't be fagged with his somniloquence, Wormy, just let him be for a while," Remus suggested. As he put a clamp on his joint, Sirius ran past him and tackled Peter with a roar. Peter squeaked and held away his food desperately.

The attacker, succeeding with a chocolate frog plopped down on his bed happily. After collecting his spoils, Peter joined him, receiving a small bestowment from Remus for a turn, and after passing it along to Sirius, started drawing swirls in the mist on the window, to which the latter was extremely intrigued by, and laughed a rather stupid laugh.

Remus looked up from the _Daily Prophet_ to see what they were doing, tilting his head back to see through the slits in his eyelids.

"I wonder where that water has been," he mused.

"It's just a bit of mist, Moony," James complained with his head to the side. "Must you evaluate every single thing?"

"Well, _my point is,_" said Remus dryly, and continued robotically, "condensation, is the process when matter transitions from like a gas, or vapor into a liquid phase. For example, dew forming on grass in the morning is a common example of condensation..." Peter paid small interest, starting to doodle a smiley face into the window. James rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh.

"…which has been evaporated and rained down trillions of times already. Since the beginning of time," Remus brightened his eyes smartly. "Y'know, Peter, you could be touching a water molecule that was once, like, I don't know, Adolf Hitler's piss at some point or something, perhaps." Peter pulled back his hand with a revolted look on his face, rubbing his fingers on his robes. Sirius and James roared with laughter, and Remus grinned cleverly.

"Yeah, Pete, maybe you were touching Merlin's spleen juice molecules," James suggested loudly.

"No, I think it must've been velociraptor bogeys," heaved Sirius, after letting out a long trail of heavy white smoke. Remus laughed in a funny uneven chuckle, nodding his head.

Peter chose a plumb to throw directly at Remus' shoulder, who yelped out rubbed it tenderly.

One thing led to another, and soon three fourths of them were brawling in the middle of the floor, the alleged prefect of the bunch rolling in his chair with laughter.

The boy's endeavors quickly ended at the arrival of their dorm mate Brinley Strinlaif, who was rather onto their shenanigans, and painfully aware of their current impairment.

They just giggled at his muttering, which included something along the lines of 'third time this semester,' and vacated the room to harass other unsuspecting Gryffindors in the common room.

**A/N:**

**Hahaha, I hope you liked it.**

**Remus I knew right off the bat would have the know-it-all, philisophical and mello kind of stoned.  
Sirius would be the giggly sort, like when girls are high, and kind of wild, and nonsensical, he was fun to write.  
Peter obviously has the munchies, or maybe he isn't even that baked yet, but... whatever, Pete.  
James is like my friend Scott. Dramatic, and lazy. Like he can't ever get up, and cries about it.**

**Review!**


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